My Take on the Fear of Recovery

I was reading an article on Psychology Today entitled “Fear of Recovery” (link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/view-the-mist/201608/fear-recovery), and while what I read initially surprised me, the more I thought about it, it really shouldn’t have.

The article discusses how some people with mental illnesses such as depression or bipolar disorder actually have a fear of getting better, even though their ultimate goal is to become better, because the feelings of their illness have become familiar to them.  It goes without saying that the unknown is a scary thing for all of us, but what was surprising to me was that the unknown, even if it’s supposed to be an improvement or more coveted than our current predicament, can still scare us to the point that we’d rather stay with the status quo.

I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised by it though.  This sort of mentality explains why people remain in relationships when they’re not happy or not truly in love with their partner, even though living the single lifestyle would bring them more joy and fulfillment.  Or why people never seek that promotion at work which would bring them a higher salary, and further life and career satisfaction.

Really, what came as the real shocker to me here was the fact that living a life that’s better than your current predicament, even if that future life is unknown, is still scary enough for someone to want to retain their habits of fearing change.

Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown.  But maybe there’s a fear of failure at not accomplishing your goal. Maybe those that are afraid of getting better are actually afraid of being unable to get better, regardless of how hard they try to.  Personally, I think it all comes down to your mental habits.  If you allow yourself to think that the unknown is a frightening place, or if you allow yourself to think that failure means you suck, then you won’t reach your desired level of life fulfillment.  You have to accept and understand that the unknown (usually) isn’t going to be as scary you imagine it in your mind.

But maybe it comes down to feeling overwhelmed, and perceiving the need for a major change instead of taking things one step at a time.  Personally, while I love my life, I still strive to improve my life on a daily basis, whether it’s saving a few extra dollars here or there, making better dietary choices, working out longer/harder, or maintaining or improving my productivity at work. But I look at things in small steps.  I look at the proximal goal, instead of the distal goal, because when I do that I lose sight of my current smaller goal and predicament, and I feel less engaged in the present process when I focus on the distal goal.

It’s interesting how this “reaction paper” to an article on why people fear overcoming their mental illness turned into me discussing that it comes down to the perception of your goals in life.  I didn’t plan that when I started writing this, but then my mind began wandering a bit.  So maybe what’s buried in the fear of the unknown is the fear of not liking your future as much as you like your present, regardless of how much you dislike your present predicament.

Buckley Blog Bits – August 26, 2016

I’ve been reading and thinking a lot lately, so I just decided to share some of my thoughts about life in general that I think most people could benefit from knowing.

• Start the day with something fun: This starts your day out on a positive note and makes you more optimistic about the rest of the day. There’s no need for you to delay some sense of gratification until after the work day is over.  You can do anything you want when you first wake up, whether it’s reading a book, watching some television, or working out.  Do anything that you want that will put you in a positive state of mind to start the day.  Personally, this is why I avoid reading texts or e-mails on my phone when I first wake up.  Rarely do I wake up to a negative message, but the few times I have really soured the rest of the day for me since I started on a negative note.  So I advise waiting to check those until you’ve gotten to work if you can afford to do so.
• Make time for what you enjoy: We’re all living pretty busy lives. If you want time to do something fun, such as reading or working out (or whatever your hobbies are), then you need to make sure to jam that time into your schedule.  That extra time isn’t going to magically fall into your lap, so it’s up to you to take the initiative, stop procrastinating, and just do it.  It’s a fun feeling when you realize you’re getting the most out of your time on a daily basis.
• Recognize that some negative thoughts are actually helpful: Of course, it sucks to be plagued by negative thoughts (it’s impossible to rid your mind of them entirely, so please don’t waste your energy trying), and sometimes your brain can just be a real douchebag. But if you take a different perspective of them, all of a sudden they’re really not incredibly negative and can actually be pretty helpful.  For example, if you’re having negative thoughts about a financial situation, it can actually be a positive because it can force you to probe further into the issue and come up with a strategy to get out of your situation.  It’s all about the way you spin your predicament that determines your reaction to it.
• Be honest with yourself, but not harsh: It’s okay to be honest with yourself, but don’t get too harsh on yourself. No one wants to feel like crap, so why would you be any harsher on yourself than you have to be? It really doesn’t help you in the long run, so give yourself an honest assessment, but don’t beat yourself up in the process.
• Understand that you can always improve: Don’t beat yourself up over the fact that you “could’ve done better” because everyone can always do better, regardless of their performance. But understand that there is always room for improvement, even if you are the best in the world at what you do, so let that be motivation for you.  If you’re working out, strive to set a new personal best.  If you’re saving money, strive to have a higher net worth.  If you’re learning a new language, strive to learn a few extra words each week.  Be happy with where you are now, but also be happy knowing that you have room to grow and further develop.
• Tell People How You Feel: Just be honest. I know that sometimes the truth hurts and such, but there really isn’t much point in wasting time leading others on or not letting them not how you feel, whether it’s a professional relationship, a friendship, or a romantic relationship.  And I mean this for both positive and negative things.  People enjoy hearing that they’re appreciated, and that’s just a fact of life. But just because you know that you think highly of someone, that doesn’t mean that they know you think highly of them.  So please, just tell people how you feel as long as you’re genuine and sincere when you say things.  It might feel awkward to be that blunt, and it’ll probably take practice before you feel confident being this candid with others, but I can assure you the person you tell your compliment/comment to will appreciate hearing it and your life will be much less stressful as well.

 

• On that note, thanks for taking the time to read this blog. I enjoy writing it on a regular basis, as it allows me to get my thoughts and opinions out there, and I do genuinely appreciate those of you who take the time on occasion to check-in and read what I was to say.

Feeling More Engaged

The feeling of depersonalization and disengagement is a frustrating experience to say the least.  You don’t feel as if you’re actually living your own life, as you either perceive that you’re watching yourself live your life from outside of your body or that your brain is on autopilot as you just cruise along.  So I’d like to take a moment to discuss some techniques to help you stay engaged in the present moment:

Focus.  Simply put, focus your attention right now on what you’re doing right now at this very moment.  This is the primary goal of engagement.  Allow any thoughts you have about the past or the future to pass right through your mind.  Use visualization techniques if you need to (side note: I actually used to hate the idea of visualization techniques when I was younger and more stubborn, but it’s actually very effective in my experience), and watch those thoughts sail away like leaves on a stream.

Get Involved.  Get involved in activities that you enjoy, or even take on some new hobbies that will provide you with new experiences.  Maybe you can seek out to do some volunteer work, or maybe you can volunteer to take on a new project at work.  Or maybe you can just simply have a conversation with a friend or a co-worker.  Even if you do prefer structure and routine in your life, do something that changes up whatever your current monotonous routine is.

Put Your Phone Away.  Honestly, sometimes we just need some “me time” where we’re a little unavailable and just focus on ourselves.  I do this periodically during the week after work and it feels great.  I don’t watch a lot of television, but during this time I’ll watch some old MMA (I’m still trying to watch every UFC, PRIDE, Strikeforce, and EliteXC event from before I became a full-time fan in 2008) or some baseball, or I’ll go play park golf or workout, or I’ll just read uninterrupted.  We live in an era where people are glued to their phones and are constantly exposed to frequent bursts of information (sometimes useless, sometimes useless) and this saps our mental energy.

Lose Track of Time.  For me, this a big key to feeling engaged in what I’m doing at the current moment.  I’ve gotten into the habit of living a pretty regimented lifestyle for one reason or another (I think it started in grad school, where time management was a huge key to success), but once in a while it’s pretty nice to just live spontaneously and not care what time it is, and not have to worry about being late for whatever you plan on doing next.  There isn’t much more that I like most than having a day that’s completely free of obligations, where I can just go out, have fun, relax, and not feel obligated to check what time it is because I have to be somewhere by a certain time.  It just feels great to be able to live your own life on your own terms.

Jam Pack Your Schedule.  On the contrary, sometimes it’s also nice to have a lot on your plate.  Of course, you need to remember that you’re doing this for fun so never perceive all these activities as something you have to do (unless it’s for your career, of course, but even then you can delegate some tasks).  There are times where after work is over, I’ll immediately drive to a neighboring city to catch a baseball game or visit an art gallery, or I’ll immediately go out with some friends for dinner.  It’s nice because this allows me to have something to look forward to after work, but also forces me to focus to finishing my day’s work by a certain deadline that day so I can get out and go enjoy whatever activity I’m looking forward to after work.  It really forces me to engage and focus on the moment.

Don’t Sit Still.  Pretty much, having too much time to be alone with your thoughts can be a bad thing.  Yes, it’s great to have some time where you’re not busy so you can reflect and think, but too much time on your hands leads to overthinking, and this is going to drive you nuts after a while.

So in conclusion, focus on the present moment and what you are doing right now.  Take a moment to perceive your surroundings and focus.  Remember to get involved in activities that you enjoy, live a fulfilled life full of activities you enjoy, allow yourself to lose track of time once in a while, and put your phone away once in a while.  If you take these simple pieces of advice, you’ll find yourself feeling more engaged with your current surroundings.