Buckley Blog Bits – August 23, 2016

I was reading Psychology Today’s website as I normally do, so here’s a brief recap of what I read this morning. 

The first article I read was entitled “An Ultra-Simple Way to Choose and Succeed in Your Career” (link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-do-life/201608/ultra-simple-way-choose-and-succeed-in-your-career ).  I agree with the author’s assessment, because I actually did a good amount of his suggestions when I started on my own career path.  I found industrial/organizational psychology because of a “Which Psychology is Right For You?” personality quiz and it was based on questions such as the ones found in the author’s first and second steps (i.e., what do you want to use your psychology in? is a high salary essential?, etc.).  Just in general, workplace satisfaction is critical for a fulfilled life.  We spend at least half of our waking hours doing something related to our job (whether it’s actually being at work, preparing for work, or doing work-related things outside of work), and most people spend even more of their time doing something related to their job.  The point is that you spend way too much at work to be miserable with your career.  If you’re miserable at work, then there’s a good chance that misery is going to transcend to other aspects of your life, so pick a career that makes you happy and gives you a sense of fulfillment.

The second article I read was “7 Reasons Most People Are Afraid of Love” (link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201401/7-reasons-most-people-are-afraid-love ).  I agree with the first reason being given, in that most people are naturally afraid of the unknown (I mean, there’s COUNTLESS articles on the topic of change and why people are afraid of change).  The third reason, being that most of us have this struggling feeling of being unlovable, didn’t surprise me either.  I think a reason why most of us feel this way is that we’re exposed to our “flaws” on a daily basis.  We don’t get to see only our “highlight reel” and the image of ourselves that we project to others, but rather we have to expose ourselves to the negative/insecure aspects of our lives on a daily basis (of course, negativity is in the eye of the beholder), and for some reason our brains are wired to focus on the negative, not the positive. 

Reason number four, that we can’t numb ourselves to pain without numbing our pain to joy as well, really grabbed my attention and made me think.  I would’ve thought that perhaps experiencing a series of negative emotions would numb you to that after a while (which I guess is accurate), but I thought it would also give you a better appreciation of positive emotions.  Surprisingly, I guess I was wrong on that, and I think I’d like to read into this topic more at a later date.

Reason number five, about love being unequal, wasn’t a big surprise to me because I have always wondered about relationships where someone likes their partner more than their partner likes them quite a bit (honestly, not to sound negative, but I do wonder how many marriages involve someone who only married the other because their partner liked them, not cause they liked their partner that much).  I don’t disagree with the author’s opinion, but I do think it’s interesting how we can have this underlying need to be loved, yet we still push people away for liking us too much.  It’s like we just can’t decide if we like the chase or the catch more.

 

I’m not a relationship expert in the least, but I do have a good understanding of emotional intelligence.  So my advice here is to find a way to be secure and confident with yourself first, because if you can’t love yourself and be secure with who you are as a person, then you’re not truly capable of embracing the love of another person.

My takeaways from these two articles for you are as follows:

Find a career you love, because you’ll be spending at least 50% of your waking hours working and why would you want to subject yourself to that feeling of misery for half of your waking hours?

Find security in yourself.  If you’re insecure and not in love with yourself (in a positive way, not in a negative, self-absorbed and egotistical way), then how can you expect to be truly capable of embracing the love of someone else?

In addition, I suggest you all read The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt by Russ Harris, because I am really enjoying reading this book and think it does help you see your thoughts from a new perspective.

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